The Time Ivan Yates Got Cancelled Because He Got Caught Working From Home

The minister with the magical power of bilocation.

October 1996. The Russians came to Dublin, and they weren’t happy.

Several grim-faced Soviet-era veterinary bureaucrats—probably the same lads who once signed off on irradiated vodka and Chernobyl-grade milk—sat in Dublin, stroking their chins and saying, “Nyet, Irish cows too crazy.”

Mad cow disease—BSE—had been tearing through British herds, and though Ireland’s outbreak was small by comparison, the Russians weren’t taking chances. They wanted certain guarantees. Or, failing that, they wanted a ban on beef from the worst-hit counties. Preferably seven of them. Tipperary, Cork, Monaghan, Donegal, Limerick, Longford and Wexford. Now, Ireland is a small country, and keen geographers will note that those 7 counties constitute a vast swathe of the Island from the four provinces. The Russians should have probably banned beef from the whole country.

Enter Ivan Yates, then Minister for Agriculture and part-time magician.

Yates, ever the political pragmatist, rolled out the red carpet for the…